i have to post this here. it makes me so, so happy and i laugh just thinking about it. thanks for sending me this, cels.

everyone; be advised this was formally submitted to a professor in the esteemed *Writing Department* of Ithaca College. mm hmm.
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When Celia checked her instant messages Wednesday night, the most troublesome burden on her mind was the research paper she had to write for the following day. She had no idea that a few electronic relays on the computer would turn into one of the most turbulent and redemptive nights of the semester, a predicament that would come to be known as The Moo Crew Crisis.

That Wednesday, a week before Christmas, happened to be the middle of finals week at Ithaca College. It also happened to be Steven Spielberg’s birthday. Celia and her close friends were planning on taking a break from the aggravation of studying and paper-writing for a viewing of “Minority Report,” a recent Spielberg favorite of Jake’s, the crazy film buff of the crowd. But things started turning sour when Celia’s best friend, Leeanne, left her a message saying the plan now included going out to dinner and hanging out afterwards. Celia, who’d been worrying all day about the seven-page research paper she needed to write, responded promptly with, “It’s not fair to change the plan!” typing frantically to Leeanne. An argument ensued.

There was a knock at the door. Celia turned to see Maureen, out of breath and smiling, come in. “Hey, what’s going on?” she asked cheerily.

Celia groaned, and explained the situation to the best of her ability. This was no new ordeal, Leeanne getting emotional, but the timing of conflict was overwhelming. Maureen took over for Celia at the computer, just in time for Betty Jeanne to sign on and unknowingly enter a sensitive combat zone.

Emotions were high, as Betty Jeanne and Maureen would be going abroad the next semester. Time was precious to this devoted group, and the pressures of finals week and saying goodbye were mounting with each instant message. The turmoil was heightened when the inseparable twosome of Jake and Joe appeared online to join the madness.

This group of close-knit friends that had dubbed themselves the “Moo Crew,” because a few months earlier, they had helped Maureen, an OCLD major, make an elaborate music video featuring, among other things, a romance dilemma with a cow. The situation unfolding on Wednesday was becoming as comically dramatic as the infamous video.

Now that everyone was involved in the frantic, perplexing argument, Betty Jeanne became increasingly concerned about petty conflicts. “Guys, we have to somehow make up and be friends again before we leave or I’ll cry,” she pleaded over and over, typing faster than Celia thought humanly possible. Maureen, keeping track of the flood of instant messages, dashed upstairs to the third floor to talk to Jake and Joe. Celia, exhausted and starving, took a moment to breathe. The intensity of this situation was starting to worry her. Never before had they been at each other throats like this, and it came at a time when everyone had been getting along beautifully. But with finals and farewells crammed into the same week, the bubble was bound to burst.

Upon arriving at Jake’s tiny room, Celia stumbled across a manic display of chaos and confusion. Joe was talking to Leeanne on the phone, holding the receiver slightly away from his ear so that everyone could clearly make out her grievances. Maureen was frantically having a conversation with Betty Jeanne online, and Jake was pacing back and forth in the small space allotted to him. Hungry and frustrated, Celia joined the confusion.

“So what’s going on? Who’s going to dinner?” she demanded.
No one had the answer she was looking for. Joe was busy trying to calm down

Leeanne and Jake was struggling to put together a last-minute residence hall program he’d forgotten to plan. The small room was filled to capacity and brimming with annoyance.

“Leeanne, can I call you back?”

“No!”

“I have to talk to Celia and Mo. I need to call you back.”

“Why????”

“Because your voice is annoying me!!!”

CLICK!!!

“Wait! I have crumpets!!!” (on phone with Beej)

Celia, exasperated, pushed Jake out of the way and stormed out of the room, leaving the three of them pleading with her not to get upset.

“This is going to be really funny one day.”

“I knew the walls would crumble.”

“Jake, I’m sorry I pushed you!”

“I thought you were mad about the crumpets.”

(c) 2003, reprint (c) 2005, Celia P. Stahr